Dear Dutch Professors

Dear Dutch Professors,

Please, please, please, please, please break your students of the following habits in their writing of English:

• Language: Pick one English, and stick to it. It's either double quotation marks, periods and commas inside the quote marks, behavior, and analyze, or it's single marks, punctuation outside the quote marks 99% of the time, include the u, use an s, and omit the serial comma. The Word program includes more than one choice for English. In fact, it includes several. Pick the one that matches your target language. This will at least help with dialectic spelling.
• Nowadays: This is an overwhelmingly used word among Dutch writers writing in English. Remove all instances from your theses immediately. My grandfather said nowadays (and newfangled), and he was a country boy born during the first World War. 
• Auxiliary verbs: Auxiliary verbs go with the verb. "First will be the goals of the Revolution discussed" should be "First, the goals of the Revolution will be discussed." [Never mind the passive voice; I'd go bald trying to get students to re-write everything in the active voice, just get the verb in the right place!]
• Transitions: This is a two-part complaint. First, every single sentence does not require a transition. They're useful when your argument takes a turn. For example, if what you are about to say apparently contradicts to some degree what came before, then nonetheless, however, or unfortunately might be good indicators for the reader. If your argument could be considered complete but you decide to add a further point to it, then moreover, in addition, or furthermore might be appropriate. Second, stop gluing the following words to the front of every other sentence: also, and, but, so. These words make terrible transitions.
• Gender: Professional English should be gender-neutral if gender is not germane to the discussion. Avoid using he to refer to a general person (like a customer), but it is not  necessary to write "he or she" repeatedly. Usually, sentences can be re-written as plural or rephrased to avoid the pronoun altogether. Do not refer to researchers as he. It is rare that you know the researcher in question personally. The fact that the researcher's first name is John does not prove gender. Where possible, avoid unnecessarily gendered terms such as waitress and chairman, in favor of neutral terms such as server and chairperson.

Just work on those five for now, and I'll yell again later.

Thanks in advance!

Your Overworked Editor

Renewal!

I tend not to blog about things that stress me out. I kind of go quiet, and yes it's been a "quiet" couple of months.

Last year, as you may recall, the IND back-dated my pasje (residency permit) to 9 January. They're good for one year, so that would be the renewal date as well.

So one expects to receive from the IND, about three months before the expiration of one's pasje, a letter with renewal instructions. Didn't come. So I called the IND, and they very nonchalantly said, "It happens." So instead, I downloaded the renewal forms from the web, printed, filled out, included the documents that the form instructions asked for to the best of my ability, and sent it off.

Part of "to the best of my ability" is that the form requests a copy of your balance sheet and profit/loss sheets from the previous year (because my permit relies on the fact that I'm here under the Dutch-American Friendship Treaty, which allows Americans to come set up businesses in NL). The previous year would be the year that ends 8 days before my pasje expires. No problem, I use accounting software that can spit out such documents in 2 minutes. The problem arises where the IND wants those documents checked by an independent expert. Ever try to find an accountant who can check over your books yesterday? It's a challenge.

The other part of "to the best of my ability" is that you do not want to drop things on a civil servant's desk a week before they're required to do something about it. Rushing a civil servant usually goes badly. I think that's true in any country. That meant I was trying to produce a balance sheet and profit/loss for a year that wasn't even over, so that I could get it to them at least a month before it was required. Ever try to find an accountant who can check over your books that aren't even closed... yesterday and at the end of the tax year? Again, a challenge.

I ended up creating an year-to-date balance sheet and sending it in around the second week of December. Mind you, Christmas season starts 5 December here, followed by First and Second Christmas, then Old Year's Day and New Year's Day... a whole lot of partying going on. (A whole lot of civil servants on vacation.)

So I got a letter back from IND in early February that I needed to submit the balance sheet and profit/loss, checked by an expert, and that they needed that in two weeks. (Recall that my pasje expired 9 January.) So simultaneous with the searching for an accountant who could check the books was a call to IND for an extension. They granted that, an extra two weeks. That helped dramatically. It also helped that I finally persuaded my friend to call for me. I'd had one accountant (friend of a friend) who decided he didn't have the time. Then another accountant I had a phone conversation with agreed to do it, said he would email me a list of documents that he needed, and then decided he didn't have the time to do it. I emailed a local office and got zero response.

The Dutch speak English, and are very friendly to you in person when you speak English. But over the phone or in email, you must explain that you are American, and even then there's hesitancy. As much as the world has mixed feelings about Americans, the wariness actually stems from the massive scam attempts that people from an English-speaking African country seem to engage in here as a full-time business. So having my Dutch-fluent friend make some phone calls cleared the path to a very nice person from an administratie kantoor (administration office: it's not an accountant, which is an educational title, but it still works--the equivalent of a bookkeeper in the US.) coming over, going through my info on the computer with me and promising to produce my statements in a few days. And he did, and they were lovely and bound in a nice book, and he gave me two copies so I could send one to the IND, and all for less than 100 euro.

Got everything sent in and paid the fee, which is now billed separately by the accounting office instead of passing through the IND but is also lower than it used to be--375 euro vs the old 800 euro--and waited.

And waited.

And... yeah, more of that.

Now, last year, when the person at the IND made her decision to approve my pasje, as you may recall, she sent a lovely letter telling me to wait patiently for the other letter that would tell me when I could come pick up my pasje. This time they skipped that step, which is annoying because it meant there was extra waiting and my friend saying, "Still nothing from the IND?" and other such fun-ness.

But, finally, a letter: "Come pick up your pasje whenever you like."

It's just that simple.

Fireworks!

Obviously part of the problem!

OMG the Dutch spent €70 million on fireworks! Apparently, some people see that, along with burned fingers and injured eyeballs, as a problem. They want to ban private fireworks.

So let's do the math:

• Suppose every gemeente in NL produced one 30-minute fireworks show (a big step down from the hours-long communal display we enjoyed last night).
• There are 418 gemeente in NL. Source
• A non-professional show easily runs £100 per minute. Source
• Incorporating music, computer coordination and larger shells can increase the cost to around $2000 per minute. Source
• The city of Melbourne spent $2 million on its fireworks show. Source

So let's assume the gemeente gets a good deal on music, and call it  €1500 per minute, or €45000 for a single half-hour show. This is an extremely conservative estimate, but it still works out to nearly €19 million out of the government's pocket.

Last night's festivities cost insurance companies €11 euros.

These calculations don't even take into account the fact that for every gemeente-produced, centralized show, every single resident required to travel more than walking distance to see it increases the likelihood of driving-under-the-influence accidents at the cost of many, priceless lives.

And how's it working, where there are centralized shows and bans on fireworks?

Amsterdam:

• Burglars took advantage of the outdoor festivities with at least 50 reported break-ins in Amsterdam alone. Source
• In Amsterdam, 123 people were picked up, mainly for vandalism and public drunkenness. Source

Rotterdam:

• Turned people away from its fireworks display due to over-crowding. Source

Assen still has citizen fireworks. I observed lots of drunkenness, lots of noise, lots of fun... within one block of the house. Neighborhood bonds were reinforced; there was laughter and gossip and visiting each other until 3am. We did have to sweep up this morning. This is me on a firework high:

Don't trade some property damage for increased criminalization, increased driving-under-the-influence, and decreased enjoyment of the neighborhood.

This link will let you see a few seconds of our neighborhood festivities. 

Happy New Year. Gelukkig Nieuwjaar. Keep your paws off my party. :)