BOOM

Cover! Cover! Cover! The city is under attack!

OK it isn't, but you wouldn't know that by the sound of it. I woke up this fine Old Year's Day (as it's called here) to the sound of explosions. Pop-pop-pop mixed with bang and whistle-BOOM. No I've never been in a war, but it sounds just like gunfire and bombs from movies! (OK Maybe they use fireworks for their sound effects.)

And fireworks it is. The town woke up this morning early and started blowing things up. Not cars- and house-type things, but paper and cardboard things. The explosions have not stopped all day, and there's so much explosive smoke that it's hanging over the town like a light fog, mixing with the mist that's present today. Once the sun goes down, it intensifies and as midnight approaches things will really get going.

The Dutch celebrate Old-New Year by setting off fireworks. As many as possible. Apparently, the booms and bangs frighten away evil spirits who, not being then in the right place at the right time, will miss the incoming of the New Year and be banned. Yayy. The explosives are legally sold for three days before the Year-Change Night and may legally be set off from 10am Old-Year's Day until 2am New Year's Day. (They've been going off for days and started around 8am this morning.)

In practice, it's noisy during the day but absolutely gorgeous at night. Growing up, my experience with fireworks came in two flavors: firecrackers and bottle rockets that people can play with sometimes, and real fireworks... the "go up and explode in a big starburst and change color and whistle" kind. In Netherlands, people get to play with the real ones! I've had the pleasure of seeing this before, but I forgot that it's an all-day event.

This time of year (even in a winter so mild that the geese haven't migrated) the ground is soaking wet. Roofs here are made of Spanish tile or thatch (thatch is also quite damp right now), so the risk of fire is minimal. There are some concerns about safety, but surprisingly few people manage to blow themselves up. Last year 710 people were injured using fireworks on New Year's; this is an estimate based on the fact that 84 people actually went to the hospital for firework-related injuries. A third of the treated injuries were to eyes. That makes sense--you're more likely to get treatment to a burn around/of the eye than a burned finger. Two people died (none in the previous two years, five in the three years before that).

Granted, that sounds like a lot in a country of fewer than 17 million people. But the Dutch spend around 65 million euros on fireworks. That's around 4 euros for every man, woman and child when a 96-shot extravaganza package can be purchased for 30 euros. It's 710 injuries for around 7 million people playing with explosives. Well done, Dutchy people!

For those following along with my personal adventures (there must be one of you), my BSN has not yet arrived. *sighs* I'm feeling very impatient, but pretty much everyone is off work from Christmas to New Year's so it's not too surprising, really.

Must Be Christmas

Christmas in Netherlands.

First and Second Christmas. Presents (much lower-key than Sinterklaas) on First Christmas Day, and a dinner with family. Second Christmas is a day for gathering with family and friends and "gourmetting." This is somewhat like a fondue party, with lots of small versions of people's favorite foods to mix and match and cook on specially constructed tiny skillets that fit on a bigger skillet. Fun. :)

And the Top 2000.

Top 2000 is a voter-selected list of the top 2000 songs of all time. The basic list consists of the previous list plus songs that have appeared somewhat frequently on the Radio 2 playlist during the year, minus songs that got very few votes the previous year. There's also a way for songs not on the list to be voted on by "free votes." The voting and compilation takes weeks and includes a process to try to weed out people who spam the votes. The #1 song in 2007 got over 10k votes, while #2000 received 150 votes.

The first Top 2000 (in 1999) captured over 6 million listeners. In 2009, the Top 2000 pulled over 10 million listeners. It's a country of fewer than 17 million people. 

Bohemian Rhapsody is the running favorite for the top spot, which has also been held once by Hotel California and once by Avond (by Boudewijn de Groot). Radio 2 currently begins the countdown at noon on First Christmas Day. This year the Top 2000 was kicked off by Andre Kuipers, the Dutch astronaut who just went to the International Space Station last week. The countdown runs continuously until midnight New Year's Eve and routinely draws the most listeners for all broadcasters in NL. In addition to tuning in on the radio, the list is played on the Internet and the DJ studio is livecast over the net throughout the countdown.

And the top 100 for 2011 (Find the whole list here.):
#1-Queen-Bohemian rhapsody
Eagles-Hotel California
Deep Purple-Child in time
Boudewijn de Groot-Avond
Led Zeppelin-Stairway to heaven
Adele-Someone Like You
Pink Floyd-Wish you were here
Coldplay-Clocks
Coldplay-Viva la vida
Bruce Springsteen-The river
Meat Loaf-Paradise by the dashboard light
Pink Floyd-Comfortably numb
U2-One
Metallica-Nothing else matters
Dire Straits-Brothers in arms
Pink Floyd-Shine on you crazy diamond
Guns n' Roses-November rain
Golden Earring-Radar love
Adele-Make you feel my love
Alan Parsons Project-Old and wise
Adele-Rolling In The Deep
Guus Meeuwis-Brabant
Doors-Riders on the storm
Beatles-Hey Jude
Animals-House of the rising sun
Adele-Set Fire To The Rain
Ramses Shaffy & Liesbeth List-Pastorale
John Lennon-Imagine
Billy Joel-Piano man
Dire Straits-Sultans of swing
Beach Boys-God only knows
Metallica-One
Simon & Garfunkel-Bridge over troubled water
AC/DC-Whole lotta Rosie
Bette Midler-The rose
Nirvana-Smells like teen spirit
Supertramp-School
Cuby & the Blizzards-Window of my eyes
Coldplay-The scientist
Pearl Jam-Black
Rolling Stones-Angie
Marco Borsato-Dochters
Johnny Cash-Hurt
Eric Clapton-Tears in heaven
Moody Blues-Nights in white satin
Rolling Stones-Sympathy for the devil
Dire Straits-Private investigations
Caro Emerald-A night like this
Snow Patrol-Chasing cars
Beatles-Yesterday
Stef Bos-Papa
Van Dik Hout-Stil in mij
Pink Floyd-Another brick in the wall
Red Hot Chili Peppers-Under the bridge
Robbie Williams-Angels
Beatles-Let it be
Wim Sonneveld-Het dorp
Simon & Garfunkel-The sound of silence
R.E.M.-Everybody hurts
Acda & De Munnik-Het regent zonnestralen
AC/DC-Thunderstruck
Billy Joel-Goodnight Saigon
Queen-Innuendo
Eagles-The last resort
Procol Harum-A whiter shade of pale
U2-Sunday bloody sunday
Guns n' Roses-Sweet child o' mine
R.E.M.-Losing my religion
Coldplay-Fix you
Bob Dylan-Hurricane
Fleetwood Mac-Go your own way
Amy Winehouse (& Mark Ronson)-Valerie
Jeff Buckley-Hallelujah
Coldplay-Paradise
Queen-Love of my life
Cure-A forest
Creedence Clearwater Revival-I put a spell on you
Beatles-A day in the life
Bob Marley & the Wailers-No woman no cry
Prince & the Revolution-Purple rain
Amazing Stroopwafels-Oude Maasweg
Rolling Stones-Paint it black
Klein Orkest-Over de muur
Otis Redding-The dock of the bay
Ramses Shaffy-Zing vecht huil bid lach werk en bewonder
U2-With or without you
Toto-Africa
ABBA-Dancing queen
Deep Purple-Smoke on the water
Beatles-Blackbird
10CC-Dreadlock holiday
Electric Light Orchestra-Mr. Blue sky
Ramses Shaffy-Laat me
Queen-Who wants to live forever
Pearl Jam-Alive
Michael Jackson-Billie Jean
Dire Straits-Telegraph road
Frans Halsema-Voor haar
Red Hot Chili Peppers-Californication
#100-Eagles-Desperado

Fail

I can't do it.

I know. You all had faith in me, that I would move here and become Dutch.

But I just can't.

I cannot eat a grilled cheese sandwich with no fat added.

*hangs head in shame*

So... OK so my dear American friends are wondering what I'm babbling about. The Dutch have this fantastic invention:

The also make grilled cheese (tosti) in a George Foreman grill thing.

Either way, we're talkin' very low fat. The tosti consists of two pieces of bread, a slice of cheese, a slice of ham. I kept checking the recipe for when you're supposed to smother all four available sides of the bread with dripping high-fat goodness, and it's just not in there! It's dry toast with hot cheese and ham gluing it together. The Dutch dip this in ketchup.

For my Dutch friends, so that you can understand my angst here, Americans make a grilled cheese sandwich, with or without ham, on one of these:

Butter all four sides of two slices of bread. OK you can use margarine if you have to. You can even use mayonnaise if you're a total health nut. Put both slices of bread in a hot skillet and lightly brown one side. Flip one slice over and stack it with cheese, ham, and/or whatever you like in your sammy. Flip the second slice over on top of the first. Let it toast there for a bit. That pan is going to smoke, so open the window, turn up the vent, remove the battery from your fire alarm, whatever. Flip the whole thing over and when the second side is golden brown, you have this:

American Grilled Cheese Sandwich: 637 calories. 50.2g fat. (with butter & 2 slices cheese)

Dutch Tosti: 277 calories. 9.6g fat. (with ham)

Yeah, it's good for you. Did I mention low fat? Healthy even. And it's one bridge too far.

And so I must confess to committing what in Netherlands is probably a crime: I spread margarine on top of my ham and cheese tosti. In my own defense, it was the bomb! It was like a grilled ham & cheese sandwich and breakfast toast all in one! 

Man, I hope the IND does not read this blog.

*Exhale*

My very special friend keeps reminding me that we're not done yet, but for some reason I think (after the visit to the IND) that today was the last hoop that I saw as a real obstacle.

In case you're not up to speed, today was the Inschriving (registration) by the gemeente (local government). In preparation for this, last week after the IND appointment, we called and made an appointment today for the inschriving. They sent over the form for me to fill in as preparation for the appointment.

[Cultural note: Mail in NL is super-speedy fast: typically, 1-day service from anywhere in the NL; often 1-day service from Germany, UK, Belgium & France (the neighbors). TNT provides mail service here. *whispers* US... call them. Set up an interview. Hire them. They kick butt.]

So we called Wednesday and I've had since Thursday to contemplate this form. They asked way more questions than the IND did. How long have I had my name and when did I acquire it? Where was I born? When? Who were my parents? What genders are my parents? [Yes. There was not a box for father and a box for mother. There was column 1 and column 2 and each column needed its own gender identification. Go NL!] Where were my parents born? When? What is my marital status? Divorced? Fine. When were you married? Where? To whom were you married? When was that person born? Where? When were you divorced? Where? Do you have children living with you? Do you have children not living with you? When were they born? Where?

And the clincher... Oh and by the way, we're going to need authenticated documentation for all of that. (I only have my own birth certificate.) *panic*

Being able to move on to the next step (registration of my business with the Chamber of Commerce) depends on being registered with the gemeente in order to get a BSN (Americans read, "SSN"). Getting health insurance depends on the BSN. Having a bank account depends on the BSN. Nothing else can happen until I have one.

Nonetheless, off we went to the gemeente to keep our appointment, where we met with a very nice young man who didn't speak English but didn't speak *too* fast, either, and only cringed when he learned that I had two former last names for a total of three names. He had no problem with the fact that I acquired a new name by the usage method after a divorce 20 years ago, he just didn't want the additional headache of having to check three names in the computers instead of one. :-|

He let us know that my birth certificate is no good to him; it has to have an apostille. The consequence of this fact is that my registration will say that my birthplace is Unknown until I submit a properly authenticated copy. He let us know that, since I do not have marriage and divorce certificates (CA doesn't even issue divorce certificates), I can't get married in NL unless I establish that I am, in fact, single. And he said that since I do not have a birth certificate for my son, my son cannot move to the NL under family unification should I later become a citizen unless I provide one.

And I'll receive my registration with my BSN number in one to two weeks. Have a good day.

Hold up.

So I have basically no documentation except for a passport. And you don't care. (To myself I said that, not to the nice man who could change his mind and be a pain in the neck if he wanted to, I'm sure.)

So... Yayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy.

Glimpse of Amsterdam

It's just a glimpse, so don't think I'm about to tell you all there is to know about this ancient city.


I went to Amsterdam by train Saturday morning and came back by train after dinner Sunday. It's 2 hours by train. Travelers except tourists and commuters pay around €28 for the round trip, or less. (Commuters traveling during rush hour and tourists without access to one of the rail system's many discount programs pay nearly €50.) Trains are frequent, on-time, and full. (The Dutch complain endlessly about trains being late. In Dutch, the phrase for something being late is te laat, "too late." To them, 5 minutes off schedule for a 2-hour train trip is unacceptable.)


It's early December, but after Sinterklaas, so the Christmas season is upon the city of Amsterdam. While the Sinterklaas traditions are completely alien to Americans, Dutch Christmas looks a lot like American Christmas, without the year's worth of debt slavery attached, as the Dutch use very little credit.


At the end of the post, there's a map of Amsterdam with markers showing where each picture I'm including was taken, for those of you who would like to get oriented a bit. Note that this is only a map of the very very oldest, central heart of Amsterdam. It's a city that has been evolving since the 13th century from a fishing port to one of the most intriguing cities in the world. The part shown in the map image dates from the 16th century and before, although many of the structures were replaced in the 17th century, when Amsterdam experienced a golden age and underwent extensive changes.


4. Royal Palace of Amsterdam

This is a 100% Dutch picture to me. First, the Palace was not built as a Palace. It was the people of Amsterdam's conception of a City Hall befitting to the glory of their city in the 17th century. It remained the Stadhuis for nearly 200 years before Louis Napoleon Bonaparte (the other Napoleon's brother) became king of Holland and made it his own personal palace. The large plaza in front of the building had a canal through it, which Louis Napoleon's wife Josephine (yes they were both married to Josephines) complained stank. Louis Napoleon had it filled in, but in vain. Josephine hated Amsterdam and stayed in the city for only two months. Louis had to follow just two years later, in 1810, after ruling Holland for only four years.

By 1813, Willem Prince of Oranje was on his way to becoming King of Holland and gave the building back to the people of Amsterdam for government administration. After becoming King of Netherlands in 1815, Willem asked the city if he could establish himself in the building and the city consented. The Palace remains the official residence of the Dutch Royal Family. 

All interesting, but what makes the picture quintessentially Dutch to me is this juxtaposition of a publicly owned Palace; an efficient, modern tram;  a minimum of automobiles; a vibrant, healthy population on foot in the town center; and a clear, cold December day--with a Christmas tree. The Dutch take what they like from other cultures without reservation, cherish what they love most about their own, and heartily enjoy the resulting combination.

2. The Royal Palace at Night

Yes the white circles are bike tires. They're parked on the square.

1. De Bijenkorf. De Bijenkorf is to Amsterdam what Macy's Union Square is to San Francisco. It's located on the other side of the Dam from the Royal Palace. Here's the parking lot of De Bijenkorf at night:

The lights are glittering gold with white rings (snowflakes) that move down and eventually fill the gold area, then reset and fall again. 


10. Beurs van Berlage. Just a bit up Damrak from the Dam is the Beurs van Berlage.

This picture is taken from the back side of the building, on the Damstraat side, showing the XXX flag of Amsterdam. Beurs van Berlage was built as the central exchange for Amsterdam in 1611. It was the first fixed-location stock exchange in the world. Today it hosts public and private events, has a cafe and houses a bike shop. 


Moving from the Dam down Damstraat to the Oudezijds Voorburgwal, you reach one of the 1500 or so bridges over the canals. 


15. Varkenssluis (That's the name of this particular little bridge that carries Damstraat over the canal at Ouderzijds Voorburgwal.)

There is a massive number of bicycles in this city. They're chained to every possible tree, post, fence, and railing, and often just to each other. The bottom foot or so of the canals is reportedly lined with discarded bikes that have to be dredged out routinely. Tens of thousands of bikes are stolen annually in Amsterdam. Many end up in the canals. Bike theft is an annoyance in this culture; it's not a "real crime." Many of the thieves are not hardened criminals whisking your bike away for resale or to a chop shop, but another citizen whose own bike was stolen or got a flat. The bike I have is fancy. The vast majority of bikes in Amsterdam are of the most basic, cable-gear, no-frills variety. I did not take my bike with me to Amsterdam.


15. Seeds. This same intersection hosts the High Quality Seed Bank, which offers in the window:

No. I can't send you one.


14. Amsterdammers. Moving a little way up the Wal, we meet our first Amsterdammer:

XXX is the symbol of the city, as it has been since 1505. The three X's represent three St. Andrew's crosses. Andrew was a fisherman; Amsterdam was established as a fisherman's port. The other meaning of XXX is coincidental. :-) At any rate, this little pole is called an Amsterdammer. Its purpose is to block cars from parking or driving on sidewalks, while not inhibiting foot and bike traffic. 

Works quite well. There is almost no automobile traffic in Amsterdam anyway. Cars are free to drive on most streets, and there are cars, but the incredible lack of parking space makes a car fairly useless. Visitors to the city either park at the hotel, never to move the car again during their stay, or park in any of many lots on the outskirts of the city located close to tram, metro, and bus stops, and take public transit or walk into the city. Residents primarily walk and ride bikes. Amsterdam's massive traffic jams primarily occur in the outskirts of the city and the highways surrounding the city.


15. Ouderzijds Voorburgwal

This is a stretch of the same street a bit further up. These houses mostly date from the 17th century golden age of Amsterdam, when much of the heart of the city was built. A belt of four canals was built around the existing city, which extended only to the Singel at the time, and residential and commercial areas were constructed in a single, planned expansion of the city between 1613 and 1664. The economy began to contract at that time and construction proceeded much more slowly. The first section (the northwest sector and the main canals) was completely finished by 1625. Although this particular area lies within the original borders of Amsterdam, most of it was also rebuilt in the 17th century.


12. Bulldog no. 90. A little further up, we find the Bulldog Coffeeshop no. 90.

Number 90 is the coffee shop's address, and its claim to fame is that it's not only the first of the Bulldog chain of properties, but also apparently the first "coffee shop" in Amsterdam. This is actually the third Bulldog coffee shop that you find on the very same block between Damstraat and Oudekerk.


11. Oudekerk & Oudekerkplein

I don't think an American like myself can easily grasp the span of history that Amsterdam embodies, just as it's nearly impossible for a Dutch person to conceive of the space and distances that exist in the US. The US has space; Holland has time. Vast, unfathomable spans of time. [The place I live now has been inhabited for over 10,000 years, with stone monuments dating back around 6,000 years.] This church was first consecrated in 1306 as a Catholic church and became Calvinist when Willem de Zwijger (Willem the Silent, same Willem I mentioned earlier) defeated the Spanish and made Holland independent again.


In Holland, nothing is sacred. While Oude Kerk continues to be a church, it also hosts a restaurant and is available for rental for private functions. Behind the church, Oudekerkplein hosts prostitution windows, a lunch room, a coffee shop and two bars. 

This very helpful sign is also located on the plaza behind the church:

The time and date stamp is completely wrong. Ignore it. Please and thank you.


08. Nieuwemarkt. De Waag.

Nieuwemarkt  is the neighborhood. This building is called De Waag. But originally, when it was constructed in 1488, it was St. Anthony's Gate. One of the three original entrances to the walled city of Amsterdam, this gate sat over one of the three main canals that flowed into the city to control shipping and to keep the city secure. The canal still flows under the building, but it's no longer visible.


When the city wall was removed in 1601 (to be replaced by that system of concentric canals mentioned earlier), the Waag was the only original gate fortress that remained. Now inside the city, it was repurposed as a weighing house, from which it got its name. Louis Napoleon used the plaza for public executions. Today it hosts a restaurant called In De Waag. 


09. 't Mandje. Moving up Zeedijk back toward the top of Amsterdam, we find this little cafe:

 The red sign says "Do you know that 't Mandje is the oldest gay cafe in Amsterdam?" Check out their website (http://cafetmandje.nl/). Yes, person-who-you-know-who-you-are, you can come here!

7. Holiday Street Lights, just above 't Mandje over a small canal that crosses Zeedijk.

Each little neighborhood had their own decorations.

6. Back at the very top of Amsterdam, along the Nieuwebrugsteeg (it didn't get a red circle but it's between 5 & 7 on the map), I caught a picture of Damrak at night with the holiday lighting up.

See? There are cars! (They are, however, considerably outnumbered by the bicycles.)

7. Street decorations along Damrak.

These were full-on chandeliers hanging over this street, which intersects Damrak. Damrak itself, between Central Station and the Dam, is an unabashed tourist trap with McDonald's, Kentucky Fried Chicken, dozens of souvenir shops and the Sex Museum.

Not on Map. Albert de Cuypstraat Markt

You can get *everything* here. This isn't quite like a fleamarket. It's not particularly about bargains (which are there to be found, for sure). It's not about the unusual items or the vast assortment of goods available. This market has more to do with the Dutch notion of shopping. Winkelen is both the plural of the word for store and a verb that means going to the stores. Winkelen is a national, very social, relaxing hobby. I'll talk more about winkelen in the upcoming blog about what makes the city where I'm staying special.

Not on Map. Holiday Street Lighting.

This is to the south near the Jacob Obrechtstraat hotel where I stayed, 10 minutes by tram from Central Station. It's a little past the open-air market above.

So there you go. One weekend glimpse of Amsterdam. Barely scratched the surface.

Tot Ziens!

--Gayle

I think you can find this section of the map in this wonderful aerial photo of Amsterdam:

W00h000

So today we went to the IND (Immigratie en Naturalisatie Dienst). I *think* there's some confusion there.

If you come from a country that's not on the short list of Holland's friend-countries, and you intend to stay more than 3 months, you have to get an MVV before you come. It means you apply for and start the immigration process before leaving your home country and half the IND's work is already done when you land. In that case, you follow the prescribed channels and go (1) to the local government and register with GBA (Gemeentelijke Basisadministratie) and they give you a BSN (burgerservicenummer) and then if you're starting a business go to the KvK (Kamer van Koophandel) to register your business and then to IND to apply for your long-term residency permit (verblijfsvergunning, or pasje).

BUT. If you come from the US, then on the one hand the rules are way simplified, but on the other hand the system confuses itself. You can't start at GBA because you have no evidence of a right to stay here until after you've gone to IND. But when you go to IND, they'll tell you you should have gone to GBA. Here's a tip: Smile and nod. They'll say, "Oh well, we'll just put this sticker in your passport, and you can go to GBA next."

And that's what happened. It was an hour's drive through windy, wet weather with occasional sunshine peeking through the rain to get to the IND, and then a small hike through the same because of course there's no parking right next to the building (>.<) and I *may* have forgotten my letter with the appointment number on it. But no matter. We got there, safe and sound, and they took my papers (the application for a residency permit without MVV plus 18 pages of attachments), took €600, gave me a very pretty stamp in my passport complete with embossing, and waved bye.

The very pretty stamp not only has nice colors, it also says I get to stay for six months while they decide on my application for residency. Yayyy. Step one complete.

A week from today: The GBA to register as a resident of this town and hopefully to get my BSN.

Parties that aren't

A partij is not a party. Vecht is fight (the verb), but vechtpartij isn't a fight party, it's just a fight, as -partij is a word that turns certain verbs into events.

A feest is a party and een dag is a day, but a feestdag can be partyless. The government sets feestdagen on the calendar; party planning is up to the populace.

An actuele kwestie is not an actual question, but a timely topic. The actual question would be de werkelijke vraag.

An advokaat does not advocate, except in the legal sense of pushing forward a client's case. In other matters, advocacy is the domain of een voorstander, who may or may not stand at the front, although voor is a kind of front/before/forward-type word.

A character in a book is not a karakter, although the author is likely to familiarize the reader with the karakter of the personage.

While oplossing is solution, an eventueel oplossing is not a statement of the certainty of a solution arising in time, but a statement of a solution being possible. Eventueel has nothing to do with the passage of time.

Eekhoorn sounds like "acorn", but it means squirrel. Squirrels eat de eikel, which of course is acorn.

Ruimte is room as in space but not room as in a room. A room is een kamer of course.

The police at the politiebureau sit at a bureau to do their work, but it's not a tall thing with drawers and doesn't have a slanted top.

A bad is not bad but a pool of water in which one bathes, or swims if it's a zwembad. Slecht is bad, but it can also mean barely, only not in the naked sense.

Pakjesavond: A lesson in the meaning of Christmas

One of the most fascinating things to me so far has been observing the difference between the primary holiday celebration in the US and the primary holiday celebration in NL: Sinterklaas.

I'm going to assume that most readers are familiar with the American Christmas holiday, celebrated on the 25th of December, presided over by Santa Claus and requiring the spending of vast amounts of money on things that are not needed and often little appreciated, in order to be considered a "good Christmas." This in a country where nearly 80% of the population self-identifies as some form of Christian. So I'll just talk about the Dutch celebration, making note that only half of the Dutch population self-identifies as Christian.

Sinterklaas arrives in NL by steamboat (Sinterklaas lives in Spain), the third week of November. Sinterklaas, while having like Santa Claus a semi-superhuman current physical embodiment for the entertainment of small children, is an actual historical figure, Saint Nicholas--a Catholic bishop who died in the middle of the fourth century. The Saint was the Mother Teresa figure of his time, having spent enormous amounts of time and energy helping the poor, primarily in Turkey. De Goedheiligman "the good holy man," as he's sometimes called in Dutch, dresses in red bishop's robes and a pointed bishop's hat.

After a couple of weeks of visiting children and making various appearances, Sinterklaas's festivities culminate on the 5 December (the eve of the death day of Saint Nicholas). These celebrations have of course changed over time. And while a core difference between Christmas and Sinterklaas (the Dutch celebrate both) is that Sinterklaas's holiday makes no claim of connection to the birth of Christ, the current iteration of this holiday honors with true meaning the rest of what Christmas ought to be. I'll leave the discussion of whether Christmas really honors the birth of Christ to another forum for debate. It's not the point of this blog.

What did inspire this blog is an article in the local paper today, Sigaretten van papier mache, "Paper mache cigarettes." I'll translate part of it for you:

"The [tradition of the] surprise gift became popular in 1945. Even children who no longer believed in the Good Holy Man kept honoring Sinterklaas in the 50s and 60s. They no longer just got presents, but they began now to give them to their parents, brothers and sisters. Pakjesavond (Presents Evening) became something for the whole family. And due to the changed relationships within the family, the way Sinterklaas evening was celebrated also changed.

"For example, before pakjesavond names began to be exchanged. It wasn't about how expensive the gifts were, but about how much thought went into them. Mother would rather get from her son a self-knitted sock with holes in it than silk hose. The emotional worth became of primary importance.

"Likewise, the Father changed from the Boss of the family to someone with whom you can make little jokes. So it became possible to tease him a little: for example giving him a huge paper-mache cigarette if he can't stop smoking. His inability to stop smoking would be highlighted in an accompanying poem. And if his beloved daughter had a few too many admirers, then father might craft in his workshop a handful of broken hearts for her.

"This new openness and egalitarianism between parents and their children is the cause for the Sinterklaas surprise gift tradition becoming so popular."

I don't know whether the changes within the Dutch family caused or resulted from traditions such as these, but this whole mindset, and the warm atmosphere of a close family engaging in such a ritual, with the time and effort each has put into preparing for the evening, must be acknowledged as a far more profound way to honor the true spirit of Christmas than maxing out a credit card.

Going Dutch

Those of you who know me well know that I have random conversations. Regularly.

And so it was that eating frikandel, having my very special person tell me that it's pig's brains (it is not) led to a discussion of my beloved sister's almost-wedding (the brains vs ham argument between a 7th Day Adventist family and a Baptist family led to the couple eloping), followed by comparison of Dutch and American weddings.

Dutch weddings are simple affairs, rarely proceeded by formal engagements and generally entered into once the decision has been made by a couple to have children together or for other civil reasons. We talked about how on the one hand American weddings are often monstrous, costly affairs but how some communities have customs to offset this such as a money dance that can recoup the wedding costs entirely, making the grand wedding a community affair and not a burden to either parents or newlyweds.

This led my very special person to mention that when you are invited in Holland to an American Party, it means that you are expected to bring your own refreshments of choice. It's a BYOB potluck. When I replied that in the US, Going Dutch means that everyone pays their own way, we both had a good laugh.

Tomorrow's blog (barring some startling event that bumps the topic): Pakjesavond. A lesson in the meaning of Christmas.

Orange Tape

There is a little more to becoming Dutch than bikes and hotdogs. Puh.

As with any fine, upstanding nation in the world today, there's red tape. Only in Holland, Orange is the new Red.

So it goes something like this:
* From Expatica.com: "Anyone who intends to stay in the Netherlands for more than three months... must register at the GBA within five days of arrival." GBA = Gemeentelike basisadministratie... something like the state-level State Department; they keep track of where people are in order to make sure that each city/state has sufficient resources to provide for its residents.
* From the site rijksoverheid.nl... The GBA retains the following information on residents: "Name, birthplace.... burgerservicenummer (BSN)." The BSN functions the same way the social security number operates in the US. As far as the government is concerned, the number is who you are. Oh wait, I don't have one of those.
* From the site overheid.nl:  "Iedereen krijgt bie de eerste inschriving in het GBA een burgerservicenummer (BSN)." [Everyone gets with their first registration with GBA a BSN.] Great. So what do I need to take to the GBA?
* From the same site: In order to register with GBA, you must show the following: [as applies to me] " U bent vreemdeling en verblijft rechtmatig in Nederland." [You're a foreigner residing legally in Netherlands.]

There's more but that right there is where it starts getting wonky. What it all boils down to is this:
* You must register with the GBA within 5 days.
* In order to register with the GBA, you must show that you're here legally.
* In order to be here legally, you must have a residency permit.
* In order to get a residency permit, you must show [in my case] that your business is registered with the Chamber of Commerce and that you have health insurance.
* In order to register with the Chamber of Commerce, you must provide a BSN.
* In order to get health insurance, you must provide a BSN.
* In order to get a BSN, you must register with the GBA.

And round and round and round it went in my head until my brains almost melted. My very special person and a 900 number to the rescue.

This bit actually made me laugh a lot. The Dutch government, rather than providing 800 numbers, uses 900 numbers. Who knew there were 900 numbers that aren't sex lines??? They typically charge 0.10 a minute. (The government lines, not the sex lines.) Apparently it both offsets the cost of providing the service and cuts down on people phoning up the government to complain about random things.

Long story short, 2 euros worth of government chat time between my very special person and people I can only assume were talking about immigration and not sex yielded an appointment with the Immigratie en Naturalisatie Dienst (IND), on 7 December. The lovely IND person was reportedly not at all concerned with the apparent circular logic of the system, waving it off with a dismissive, "We'll give you a form to take to GBA."

Fingers and toes and everything else you can cross without doing permanent damage to yourself will be appreciated. Thank you!

Hotdog!

My Dear Former Fellow Americans--

Forget McDonald's. Yes, I said it. In addition to the stroopwafels that I have teased so many of you with before, the Dutch have discovered the perfect food: HEMA Hotdogs.

I guess I need to sidetrack to talk about HEMA first. I think the authorative post on HEMA is here. Kind of like Target. They're all over. It's not a "big box" store, though. A Target-like economy of [that] scale does not exist when the entire country boasts a population of fewer than 17 million. It does end up playing a similar role in some cases, as shopping is, for the most part, very localized in NL, and HEMA competes with smaller local shops.

Back to the hotdog. Begin with the dog. A Dutch specialty is smoked sausage, or rookworst. There are several kinds of rookworst. Ambachtelijke rookworst is recognizable by the strings on the end. This is smoked sausage that is actually smoked. Most rookworst now sold just has smoke flavor added. Gelderse sausage originated in Gelderland (a region) where the pigs were raised on rye, buttermilk, potatoes, and acorns. This gave Gelderse pork exceptionally good flavor and led to the fame of Gelderse smoked sausage. (Smoked sausage was the most efficient way to store meat for later use.) Today it's a spice recipe and a particular thickness of sausage that's typical to Gelderse rookworst. Kleintje rookworst is a half-size version. Rookworst are available in lower-fat versions as well, magere, but this isn't generally a concern. Magnetron rookworst comes in a skin that won't explode in the microwave.

All of those kinds of rookworst are typically eaten alongside stamppot. Potatoes are as much a part of Dutch cuisine as they are in Irish. A very typical Dutch meal includes 4-6oz of meat (lots of pork, some chicken and some beef), boiled potatoes, pan gravy, and a vegetable. Smashing the potatoes on the plate with the vegetables and sometimes the meat mixed in with some pan gravy poured over the whole thing is normal. [One custom I'm not so much all about adopting, thank you.] Stamppot is when the potatoes are served already mashed with a vegetable. Boerenkool stamppot is with chopped kale. Boerenkool stamppot normally appears in November along with rookworst, which was traditionally made in November. The rookworst is boiled in the same pot with the stamppot, then removed and served alongside.

And then there's the HEMA hotdog. This contains a spice mix and flavor very similar to the region's beloved Gelderse rookworst, but it's long and thin and straight. As such, it slides nicely onto a rotisserie, where it is roasted to yummy perfection. It also slides perfectly into HEMA's own version of a hotdog bun. That is, take a baguette, slice it in half, and hollow out the middle--forming a tube that's closed at one end. Then slowly heat the resulting bun in an oven until it's toasty and crusty and hot. To marry these two, squirt saus into the middle of the tube before inserting the hotdog. Saus in this case in a mayo-mustard mix.

Voila. HEMA hotdog. €2. To die for.

My Bike

If Dutch, then bike. That's a given.

A common sight in this town of around 65k people is mothers guiding their small children to school on bikes. The Dutch are all but born on bikes, at least in this area. Infant seats with wind screens are mounted in front of the handle bars. Child seats for toddlers get mounted on the cargo space behind the rider's seat. When children are very small and riding their first bike, it's common to see a parent riding along beside, leaning over with one hand steadying the child during critical moments like high-traffic areas and street crossings. The child being steadied (on a bike without training wheels) might be 4 years old.

Never mind that I ride bikes about as well as the average mid-40s American--riding while leaning over sideways and offering support to someone else is NOT an option--I still need a bike. Within this town, there are bike and footpaths to get everywhere, and people use them. There are dedicated bike paths throughout Drenthe, the equivalent of what Californians call a county. There's no local bus service, but people do use the regional bus to get around town sometimes. More likely though, they ride their bikes. I found an unsourced statement that the 65k residents of this town make 70k bike trips every day. I wouldn't be surprised to find that accurate. Most children ride back and forth to school. Parents ride along with younger children. The local train station has parking for over 2300 bikes. (The most recent improvements at the train station removed 15 parking spaces for cars to help create space for an additional 800 bikes, which brought the total up to 2300.)

I'd purchased half a bike when I was here on an extended visit previously. Someone else needed a bike, so we split the cost and I had it to use while I was here. The dealer was very helpful, so I looked up the same shop online, got a rough idea of how to get there on foot, and headed out. The bike shop lies along the most direct foot/bike path from where I'm staying to the centrum (downtown), so off I trekked. Had a look at the bikes parked in front (the second-hand bikes) and the bikes parked inside (the new bikes) and then spoke to the dealer.

I had budgeted around €300 for a bike. Did I prefer 3 speeds or 7? 14? What kind of brakes? NL is flat (wonderfully, wonderfully, bike-friendly-ly flat) and I'm not racing, so it doesn't matter to me. Considered a couple of used bikes and then settled on a big, heavy-framed Sparta 8-speed with electric lighting. How much do I love electric lighting? The law requires that bikes use front and rear lights at night. A challenge I had on one trip, using a rented bike, was riding on a windy Autumn night into the wind. Typical Dutch bikes use a bottle dynamo that makes contact with the sidewall of the tire and draws power from the spin of the wheel. Those are cheap and fairly reliable (they can slip when the tire is wet). They also drag like a set of brakes on the front wheel. I was quite prepared to buy a battery-powered headlight to avoid this. Newer bikes, like my Sparta, use hub-generators. Brushless generators are built into each wheel hub and provide ample power for front and rear lighting (rear lights are otherwise battery-powered) with no discernible drag for the rider.

I <3 electric lighting. Having agreed on a price for the bike, only a few euros over my budgeted €300, the dealer noted that the back of the saddle was torn and replaced the seat for me. No charge. While he worked on that I browsed saddlebags and he mounted a set of twin semi-rigid bags for me. No charge. (These are really handy for "gewoon boodschappen" - normal errands like grocery shopping.)

Time to pay for my bike. The Dutch use a relatively small amount of cash currency and credit only rarely. Most banks issue "chip & pin" cards. The chip retains a pre-paid balance on the card, while the rest of your bank balance can be accessed with the pin as a debit card. These cards are the most common way to do business in NL. The grocery store a block from home accepts currency at only half of the checkout lines; the other half are only for pin cards. No problem. I stopped at Travelex at the airport on my way out of San Francisco and picked up a little cash and a chip & pin card. The pin accesses the prepaid balance, unlike a bank-linked card, but it should otherwise work as normal.

Card not accepted. :-/

After a couple of tries, I offered to walk to the ATM and come right back. The owner insisted on driving me to the ATM in his car. It was only a few blocks, but he insisted. Fortunately, there was no problem drawing money off of the card at the ATM. On our way back to the shop, we passed a group of bikes and the owner was beaming to see his sticker on the back of several of the bikes we passed. He pointed them out and mentioned that it felt really good because around a third of the bikes we passed had his sticker and there are 12 bike shops in the town. No wonder he wanted to make sure I came back!

Home I rode on my brand-new bike thoroughly enjoying once again the blessed flatness of NL and kicking myself for not bringing along a pair of mittens. Air that is cool when you are walking is cold when you are riding in a sassy 5th gear through it.

My bike.

Score!

Moving Day

Moving Day started weeks before the actual Moving Day. In another sense, years before, when I met someone very special. But that's another story.

This one is about the adventure of one California girl becoming Dutch.

Between the US and Netherlands there exists the Dutch-American Friendship Treaty. In essence, it says Americans can come to NL for the purpose of starting a business, with relatively low investment levels required. You need to be non-criminal and net 81% from your business operations and make enough to support yourself. And that's about it. It's an easier bar to reach than if you're coming from another EU country to start a business actually, as Dutch business permits for foreigners other than Americans require that the business serve the country's economic interests and meet a point system of qualification. None of that for Americans. (The Dutch can likewise go to the US to start businesses under similar standards.)

So here I am starting a new business. :)

Arriving in Holland, my biggest concern was that I'd be in Customs and Immigration for a week or so, given that I had three large suitcases and once they asked the standard, "Purpose of your trip? How long are you staying?" questions and I wasn't going to give the standard, "Pleasure. 2 weeks" answers.

Having last slept for more than a couple hours at a stretch on Sunday night, I reached the Immigration checkpoint at close to 11am on Wednesday. (Granted, you have to take away 9 hours that are time difference, but still.) Handed my passport to the guy at Immigration, slightly surprised that it wasn't the same guy I usually see. (Swear I've had the same guy at the Immigration counter on three separate visits.) He opened it, stamped it, and handed it back.

Well, there's something new and different. No questions at all!

On to Baggage Claim to get my hoooooge bags. Done. They were the first ones off the plane. Yayy. Off to Customs. I head for the door that's labeled "Nothing to Declare," because amazingly, in three large bags, I had nothing to declare. Ahhh here we go. A Customs official approaches me, with another right behind her. "Why do you have so much luggage?"

Ugggh this is going to suck. Oh well. Smile and breathe and I say, "Because I'm moving here."

At this point, of course, her job is to ask for my completed forms in quadruplicate that I don't have and the purple holographic 3D stamp that I needed to get from Immigration and didn't and the.... "Oh OK. Go ahead, then."

And she stepped back.

I really didn't even know where to begin to process that interaction, so I just nodded and walked out into the Arrivals Hall. My very special person was waiting for me there and when I told him what had just happened, he laughed. "Yes of course. They're laughing right now. You see, it's all been a plot. Holland is really a terrible, oppressive place to live. The whole country's celebrating because we just tricked another American into coming here."

:-/ I got him back. I made fun of the Asser Bos (Assen's Woods) on the way back to his house, pointing at a stand of about 6 trees and asking, "Oh, is that the Asser Bos?" [He informed me that Asser Bos is holy and not to be made fun of, and then we laughed ourselves silly.]

More soon. Tot ziens!